Dear Diary: I's been a tumultuous couple weeks as I begin my second term and I have neglected this diary which will be so valuable to future historians researching why I was the fourth greatest President in history. I had lunch with Biden today. Awkwaaard. He almost choked on his broccoli as he asked about my "obvious endorsement" of Hillary during the joint 60 Minutes interview. "Joe, I asked. "At this stage what difference does it make?" He nodded, munched on his broccoli and washed it down with a mouthful of water. After lunch I had a visit from the Miami Heat. I gave them a few hints about basketball technique, which -- judging by their broad smiles and winks at each other-- they deeply appreciated. Given my exceptional talents in so many fields, you future historians will notice that I'm a man of unusual modesty.
