3/20/12

Barack Obama's Diary

Dear Diary: Today was a good day in some ways, not in others. Under the 'Good' heading came Joe Biden's declaration that my  decision to attack Bin Laden was the most audacious  in 500 years. Entirely correct of course. What were Eisenhower, Nelson and Napoleon's achievements next to mine?  They don't begin to compare with my cool genius, even if I say so myself, and I do.
The bad part of today came when St Patrick's Day returned like the end of a monster movie. Just  when you think the creature is finally  destroyed it roars back to life.  Enda Kenney, Ireland's Toys-each,  or whatever they call the dude, was visiting and St Patrick's Day had a re-run at a Capitol luncheon which I attended with him.   I re-assured him [as I do leaders of all  sniveling, insignificant little  countries, that Ireland "punches  above its weight" and is "one of our most valued allies." I finally have admitted to myself  that  Guinness is a gross concoction and the taste hasn't grown on me, so I  asked the Secret Service to track down an alternative that they can quietly slip me should the need arise. They came up with a  Guinness glass filled with a Diet Cola topped with  a squirt of instant cream, which looks surprisingly convincing. 
I'm writing this entry much earlier than usual.  Early Wednesday I  will board Air Force One with my  usual effortless trot up the stairs, for the cameras, on a two-day trip via Vegas, to Boulder, Roswell and Oklahoma  to be photographed on oilfields and next  to solar panels. Jarrett and Axelrod think we need to show  Joe Sixpack that we're doing something about  sky-high gas prices. Not that we can do anything  at this stage: but, as they keep reminding me, it's all about the optics.