1/30/15

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[Cagle Cartoons]

Dim Crims: Three's a crowd

 If you're traveling in an SUV with two men you've allegedly kidnapped in the backseat, don't count them toward your HOV-lane total. A 26-year-old New Jersey man was arrested on Friday morning after a Port Authority officer saw what looked like an otherwise empty car and pulled him over for driving solo in an I-95 HOV lane. To prove that there were indeed enough people in the car to qualify as "high occupancy," Luis A. Moreno, Jr., rolled down the rear window to display two passengers in the Toyota Sequoia's third row. It could have been all good—except as Moreno began to continue on his way, one of the passengers cried for help out the open window, reports NJ.com.
A Port Authority police rep says Moreno ignored orders to stop, but was soon caught in rush-hour traffic (it was just after 8am) and apprehended, the New York Daily News reports. The rep says one of the passengers said, in Spanish, that Moreno had agreed to drive him from Texas to Maryland for a fee; once they got to Maryland, however, he says Moreno asked for more money, locked him in the car, and confiscated his phone. Police say the door and window locks had been altered in a way that prevented the men from being able to open either. Gothamist reports one man was an immigrant from Guatemala, and the other from Asia. Moreno faces a litany of charges: kidnapping, criminal restraint, receiving stolen property, and driving with a suspended license. [BJS]

1/29/15

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Socialist medicine in action

A British man has finally had an operation to deal with a bleed on his brain more than two months after  a fall.  Allan Guthrie, 78, fell at his home in Southend,  England, on November 20, but has only just had an operation after it was first misdiagnosed and then delayed due to a lack of  vacant hospital beds. [Source]  [BJS]

Cartoon: Cameron Cardow

[Cagle Cartoons]

1/28/15

ABCs from CBS



When it snows it blows, or at least the East Coast media does
Marc Lester of The Anchorage Daily News writes:
"If the snows ever return to Southcentral Alaska, here's a tip on how to survive, courtesy of the lamestream media from America's faraway coast: "Stay warm.''
With the mother of all storms (or maybe the stepsister of a midsize Bering Sea blow) pummeling the East Coast this week, "stay warm'' was No. 3 on the list of "top safety tips for surviving the blizzard of 2015''
Yes, this is the savvy information now provided by the network once home to legendary newsman Walter Cronkite. It has to make Alaskans wonder just how out of touch with nature are those who live Outside.
The other top tips?
"Don't drive."
"Be prepared."
"Put down the snow shovel."
"Mind the gas."
The first three warnings are largely self-explanatory, but the last could leave a few scratching their heads. It was a caution against trying to heat the house with a charcoal grill, camp stove or any of the other heating devices that come with warnings to use them only outside because they give off large quantities of carbon monoxide.
Carbon monoxide (CO) is an odorless, colorless gas that adheres to red blood cells and takes the place of oxygen. It doesn't take much CO to poison and kill people. "Mind the gas'' might be a valid safety tip.
What next? Tips on how to deal with Superbowl Sunday?
Turn on the TV. Be sure to have adequate supplies of chips, salsa and beer. Don't drive. Put down the shovel.
The CBS snow shovel warning is especially rich: "Some doctors recommend avoiding snow shoveling if you are over 55 or have a history of heart problems. If you must shovel the snow, be aware of the health implications; take breaks, dress warmly and remember to breathe."
Don't you hate it when you forget to breathe? That just causes all kinds of problems. And if you're over 55, well, then you probably already know that's when life basically ends, and you climb into your rocker to await death."

Joke of the Day...

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred
young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
 He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the
soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and
attached them to his roosters.
 Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
 Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report
by just listening to the bells.
 Fred's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen,
but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all.
 When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the
roosters coming, would run for cover.
 To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on
to the next one.

Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane
City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No
Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most  coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the
unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying
attention. [TG]

Cartoon: Glenn McCoy


1/27/15

Barack Obama's Diary: Barefaced chic

Dear Diary: It was with a huge sense of relief that I re-boarded Air Force One in Riyadh to fly back to the States. Mooch was seething with rage, having been pointedly ignored by all the dignitaries assembled to greet me. She had complied with most of the directions of Wahabism, wearing  trousers and a long coat, but  it was bright blue, rather than the black the locals favor, and she flatly refused to wear a  head-covering niqab. Once we were  back in our private cabin and we  had gained take-off speed, Mooch  locked the door and mooned one side of the runway, cackling delightedly: " How do you like dem moons?"  We soon settled down to a meal of  ham and other delights forbidden us during the past few days and asked to be woken with a breakfast of bacon and eggs.  We dozed watching episodes of Judge Judy, of which Marv Nicholson, my trusty trip director,  keeps a library for me on board, along with assorted episodes of Storage Wars. The reassuring roar of the four Pratt & Whitneys quickly lulled us to sleep.

1/24/15

Krauthammer: GOP will choose Marco Rubio

Political pundit Charles Krauthammer said Friday that he thinks Florida Senator Marco Rubio is most likely to win the Republican nomination for president. The answer came in response to a question from Steve Hayes on "Special Report," a news program that airs on the Fox News Channel.

1/23/15

Cartoon: Rick McKee

[The Augusta Chronicle]

Cold enough for you?

TG, our hardy Alaska contributor, reports that, For the first time all winter, the National Weather Service said Fairbanks residents can expect typical January temperatures.
"We won't quite escape the really, really cold temperatures this winter," National Weather Service technician Harry Lind said. Temperatures are expected to be minus 44 degrees Monday, and minus 49 degrees by Tuesday. By mid-week he said the temperatures will be "warming up" to minus 42 degrees. 

President stomps feet over Bibi's planned Congress visit

We thought we’ve seen everything,” Israel Daily Ha'aretz quoted a senior US official as saying. “But Bibi managed to surprise even us." 
According to the paper, "chickenshit" the word the White House called Netanyahu a few months ago, was nothing compared to the cusses used at the White House when they found out that Bibi was coming to DC to speak before Congress.
“There are things you simply don’t do. He spat in our face publicly and that’s no way to behave. Netanyahu ought to remember that President Obama has a year and a half left to his presidency, and that there will be a price,” he said. [Source]